A breakup letter is an informal letter that is written when a person wants to end a relationship that he or she has been in. This is a personal letter that is in most cases emotional. It is a letter that should be secretive and should not be read by anyone else but the person who it is meant for.
It is not easy to end a relationship, however, if it is not working bringing it to a closure is the best thing for both parties. It is easy to get lost in emotions when writing this letter and this may make it hard for you to get the right track of the best way to write it. It is at this stage that using a sample breakup letter will help make things simpler for you.
How to Write a Perfect Breakup letter
The best way to do it is to consider these three important steps.
Step 1:- Deciding on a Letter
One of the best ways that can be considered for breakup is doing it face to face. However there are some instances that may not favor a face to face break up such as:-
If the person is in a long distance, a letter may be the best option especially for the person who may feel uneasy saying it on phone or webcam. Breaking up on phone may also not go so well where emotions are involved, one party can decide to hang up.
The emotional status of your partner
If your partner is hot tempered and can overreact in such an incidence, breaking up face to face will not be the best option. It may end up hostile or worse in violence. In such cases, the best option is through a letter.
Consider other options
- If your partner is not far and will not get hostile, face to face break up will be the best way to end the relationship.
- You are sure of breaking up amicably when you talk it out than in writing because the nonverbal cues like a smile and a hug will tell the person that there are no hard feelings and you can still be friends.
- Face to face breakup will also make things clear. There will be a room of asking questions in areas where one person doesn’t not understand and explaining your reason will also be deeper than in writing.
Decide how to deliver the letter
- Choose a way that will not look unpleasant or make you look rude
- Deliver in a way that the other person will receive it at the appropriate time. For example, delivering it through email may not be the best thing because it may be received when the person opens up a mail at work place. This may interfere with your partners work.
- In cases where you have to mail the letter, it is best to give a heads up to your partner and let him/her know that you have expressed some concern about the relationship in writing.
- If the person is not far from you, you can choose to deliver the letter personally or through a close friend or family.
Step 2:- writing the letter
Be straight to the point
- This letter should be straight forward and honest. You are not trying to break up, you are actually breaking up so there is no need of beating around the bush.
- It is not possible to write this letter in a pleasant way, this letter will be heartbreaking to both the reader and the writer; the best way to do this is just to stay obvious from the start.
- Begin with a simple line that will explain the intent of the letter. This will make things clear to your partner and will leave no room for uncertainty.
- It is very important to explain all the reasons that lead you to making such a tough decision. Your partner needs to understand. You should detail all the reasons.
- In a case like this, there is no need for blame games. There is no winner or loser in this case, the reason why a relationship does not work is lack of compatibility, in this case just be honest and explain why you are not compatible.
- State the behavior that lead you to making this decision without using a harsh language or calling names. State this in a way that focuses on your feelings because it is you who has come to that decision.
- Stating the specific behaviors that led to the break up will help your partner to avoid such in a future relationship.
- Let your partner know that the relationship did not work but they still matter. This act of kindness will make it easy for him/her to understand
- Keep the tone of the letter polite to avoid confrontations from your partner after they receive the letter.
- End the letter by letting your partner know that you appreciated the time you were together and you do not count it as a wasted time and you still value them despite the relationship not working.
Step 3:- Coping afterwards
Give yourself time to grieve
- Do not act strong or ignore the feelings of sadness. Go through the sad moment so that you can be able to move on.
- Understand that the love you had for your partner will not just go away instantly, you will miss them long after you call off the relationship, it is normal.
- Do not pre occupy yourself in alcohol or bad company to get over it, go through the process of healing and you will eventually get over it.
Understand biology plays a role in breakups
- Breaking up of any bond is difficult, it may take weeks or months for you to get over the feelings you had for the other person, understand that you are biologically like that but eventually it will pass.
- The past may also affect your function in your new relationship, it is normal but with time all these emotions go and you get back to your whole self.
Resist negative feelings
- Many people will indulge in the bad side of their ex to let go and stop thinking about them. This will only take too much of your energy for nothing. Instead of doing this, focus on the better days ahead of you.
Things to avoid when breaking up
- After you have given a good thought on taking this step and found it appropriate, avoid taking too much time to act on it. You cannot avoid pain in a break up. Just get off the fear and face it to get over it.
- Do not breakup when you are angry or when in a fight – Decisions made out of anger are the ones that people regret the most. The best way to do this is when you are calm and thinking clearly.
- Be honest. This will clear your conscience and help you and your partner in moving on. Lies will only hurt the other person and leave them confused.
- Breaking up with a person does not mean that you are now enemies. Do not burn bridges but rather let the person know that they still matter.
- Do not let emotions of missing them overcome you. This may make you start the relationship again only to end it later. Do not get back to your partner simply because you miss them.
- Be sure that you really want the relationship to end before writing this letter.
- Do not leave a room for false hope or confusion. Be clear that it is over. This will help in the healing process.
Sample Break Up Letter
After giving so much thought about us, I have come to a final decision of letting it go. I am writing to you because it is the best way to do it. I have tried to tell you to find time so that we can talk it out but you are ever busy to make time for this. You know well that I want to settle up soon because I am now at the right age. In our last talk, you were so clear that you are not ready to settle down any time soon. I therefore think that we are not on the same page.
You know well that I tried working things out between us. I feel like I have been pushing you in this and I think it is best for us to just call it quits. I know that we have really tried but we cannot continue in these lies. It is about time that we face it and let it go.
I must say that I really appreciate the time that we spent together, and I thank you for all the time we shared. I wish you all the best.
Types of Break Up Letter
Post break up letter
This letter is written in response to a break up letter. You may have not got it clear on why the person broke up with you. It states the need for more information, request for a discussion and maybe an explanation on the reasons that were stated in the received letter.
I don’t want a break up letter
This is written in response to a break up letter. It explains on reasons why a person does not want the break up. It can also request for a discussion meeting.
Break up letter for long distance
It is written to break up a relationship because of a long distance. It includes explanation on why the person wants to break up.