Every couple argues sometimes, but it’s not always a big deal. However, when minor disputes become more considerable misunderstandings and lingering bad feelings, you must make it right to salvage your relationship. It’s not only the big fights that create a need for an apology letter. Sadly, issues that seem small can contribute to destroying a relationship to the point where you lose the love of your life. Flowers are lovely, but sometimes only a sincere apology letter to your girlfriend will do.
Telling her how you feel and what your relationship means, acknowledging your part in the problem, and offering to make things right between you is essential to reconciliation. In life and conversation, you only get one chance to express yourself, and that’s not always the best way to go about it, especially if you’re not great with words. Fortunately, when you write it down, you get a chance to polish and perfect your words, so they are more accurate and heartfelt than ‘winging it‘ verbally. Writing an apology letter to your girlfriend can change everything. We’ve created some sample letters to help you get started, but first, let’s look at some tips to help you make your letter the best it can be.
Tip: Practice patience and understanding when apologizing to your girlfriend. Give her the time and space she needs to process her emotions and heal from the hurt. Avoid rushing her or expecting immediate forgiveness. By demonstrating patience and understanding, you show that you value her feelings and are committed to making things right, fostering open communication and creating a safe space for her to express herself. Remember, healing and rebuilding trust take time, but with patience and understanding, you can strengthen your relationship.
How To Write an Apology Letter to Your Girlfriend Step By Step
An apology letter to your girlfriend has one thing in common with any other well-written letter. It should follow a logical progression. Here are the exact steps to write your letter. The contents will vary depending on who you are as a couple and what happened, but the process is the same.
- Ask Why- Why do you owe her an apology? Why does it matter to you enough to apologize? Why does she matter to you? Why do you want to stay together so much that it’s worth all this effort?
- Brainstorm- Before you write anything down in a letter, get a blank page and put everything that happened down. Then make notes about how you felt, how she reacted and felt, what you meant, what you wish you’d done differently, and most importantly, how you feel about her. You’ll use these notes to craft a great letter later. For now, don’t try to organize it. Just write everything that comes to mind. It’s okay to let your thoughts flow wherever they go but always come back to why you need to apologize.
- Ditch the Fluff- Take a look at what you wrote. If there’s anything about past incidents, excuses, or accusations, cross them out or delete them. This letter is about why you need to say sorry. Only keep it if it’s relevant. You can include a specific memory about why she matters to you so much, but don’t add anything that doesn’t relate directly to
- Acknowledge the Problem- Before you can move forward at all, you need to recognize, in words, what happened. Remember that she is hurt, angry, sad, mistrustful, and maybe even heartbroken. Do not gloss over that. Instead, begin by acknowledging the situation and its repercussions.
- Acknowledge Her Feelings- It doesn’t matter if you agree, like, or even fully understand why she feels how she does about the incident. She has the right and responsibility to have her own feelings. Asking why she is sad, angry, or otherwise upset is a different conversation. You only need to acknowledge that she has them to create a sincere apology. It’s a letter, not a couples therapy session.
- Acknowledge Your Regrets- State your regrets regarding the situation. Tell her how you would rather have handled things.
- Say “I’m Sorry”- Don’t imply or blow past it. Specifically, say the words.
- Take Responsibility- Accept responsibility for your actions.
- Offer to Make Amends- Tell your girlfriend precisely what you plan to do to avoid a repeat of the incident. Be open to suggestions, but show clearly that you are already thinking ahead and being proactive so you can have a future together.
- Close Honestly- This is not a gift tag. Don’t write ‘From (Your Name Here)’ at the bottom. You don’t need to get flowery if it’s not your style, but tell her how you feel about her, or at least sign it with love.
Pro Tip: When it comes to apologies, it’s crucial to recognize the varying degrees of seriousness and impact that different situations can have on a relationship. Avoid offering apologies without genuine intention, as they can diminish their significance. Instead, focus on the incident where you have wronged your partner and ensure that your apology remains relevant to your relationship. By doing so, you demonstrate the importance you place on understanding and addressing the specific harm caused, fostering a more meaningful resolution.
Apology Letters to Girlfriend
There are many reasons to apologize to your girlfriend. Unfortunately, sometimes a few words won’t cut it. We’ve created formats and examples for the top six most common reasons people need to apologize to their girlfriends in a more extended and sincere manner. Freestyling a letter can lead to missing the point. That goes double when emotions run high, and your relationship is at stake. If you end up with ten pages about how much you feel bad or flowery, love-letter-like prose telling your girlfriend how perfect she is, you’ve missed the point.
However, the formats here are provided for context, to offer an example of a respectful apology, and to help keep you focused on what matters most. You can and should vary from them if they don’t feel right or don’t suit your relationship and communication style. Feel free to bookmark this page for ideas and write your own format.
Pro Tip: We’ve used brief examples here, but you can write more. It’s vital to acknowledge your unique situation and responsibility fully. Offer to make any amends you can think of, not just the basic example we recommend, but only if you can follow through on them. You can also extend the optional part at the end, explaining why you value and want her in your life. This applies to all of these letters, regardless of the root problem that created a need to write them.
Apology Letter to Girlfriend After Lying
Lying is one of the most hurtful things you can do to another person because it breaks whatever trust they have in you. Without trust, a relationship cannot prosper or be healthy. If you’ve lied to your girlfriend, making it up could take years. She’s worth it, or you wouldn’t be writing an apology letter. Below we’ve provided a basic format and an example of how to use it to customize your letter.
Format Idea
(Her Name Here),
Lying to you when I _______ (State precisely what you did here) was wrong. I know that I _______(hurt you, made you angry, etc.), and I regret causing you pain. I am sorry.
The rift between us is my fault. All I can do is offer to ______ (Specific example of how you plan to make things right and avoid a repeat problem). I am ready to do more if you want or need me to, just let me know what else I can do to make things right.
(Optional mention of how you feel about her and why you want her in your life. Use a specific example from your life together and include your true feelings.)
Love (Your Name Here)
Example
Dear Jane,
Lying to you when I took money from your rainy day fund was wrong. Buying video games with it was even worse, and I should not have done that. I’m not writing you to make an excuse for what I did. It was self-destructive, foolish, and, more importantly, it hurt you.
I made you cry because you were saving that money to visit your grandmother. Even if you didn’t have plans for it, I would still have been wrong to take what wasn’t mine and lie about it later. I was thoughtless, selfish, and cruel. I made you feel sad and insecure. You thought a stranger had stolen from you because I tried to cover my first mistake with another. That must have been frightening. I understand that I broke our trust and regret causing you pain. I am sorry.
The rift between us is my fault. I cannot change my past actions, but I want to work to make this up to you. All I can do is offer to replace the money I stole and rebuild the trust between us by never lying again. I returned the games and have enclosed most of what I owe you here, but I didn’t get a full refund, so I will pay back the rest when I get paid next Friday. If you have something in mind, I am ready to do more, but it’s not your responsibility to fix what I broke. I will do whatever I can to make things right.
The first day I saw you reading that book on the park bench, you took my breath away. I knew instantly that I wanted to build a life with you, and now I’ve done something that might ruin that. I hope you can forgive me eventually and allow me to make it up to you for the rest of our lives.
Love Joe
Apology Letter to Girlfriend for Hurting Her
Hurting another person’s feelings is never good, but it’s even worse when it’s someone you love. Writing an apology letter to your girlfriend for hurting her can be tricky. Fortunately, if you are sincere and your girlfriend forgives you, you can learn more about what goes on in her head over time. Here’s a great way to approach your apology letter to your girlfriend for hurting her.
Format Idea
(Her Name Here),
I didn’t mean to hurt you when I _______ (State precisely what you did here). It was wrong, and I should have thought before I ______ (State cause of hurt). I know that I _______(scared, insulted, etc.), and I regret making you suffer. I am sorry.
It is my fault for not ______ (making a better choice, specific example). All I can do is offer to ______ (Specific example of how you plan to make things right and avoid a repeat problem). If you need something else from me, please let me know.
(Optional mention of how you feel about her and why you want her in your life. Use a specific example from your life together and include your true feelings.)
Love (Your Name Here)
Example
Dear Elizabeth,
I didn’t mean to hurt you when I called your cooking disgusting in front of our friends. It was wrong; I should have thought before saying something so rude and insulting. I know that I embarrassed you, and I regret making you suffer. I called your food gross and implied that you were less valuable because of your kitchen skills instead of showing you how much you mean to me by complementing something you do well or at least not insulting you in public. That was awful, and there are better ways to change the menu than belittling you. I am sorry.
It is my fault for not thinking before I spoke or discussing things with you privately and more respectfully. All I can do is offer to cook or buy meals for a while and communicate better about what I like or dislike in the future instead of expecting you to be a perfect mind reader. If you need something else from me, please let me know. I will do whatever you need to make this up to you if you allow it. Perhaps we can take a class together.
When you laugh, it’s like music to my ears, and your smile lights up a room. I can’t imagine my life without you, yet I callously treated you like you didn’t matter. I hope you can forgive me, so I have a chance to make you smile and laugh again.
Love John
Apology Letter to Girlfriend After a Fight
When couples fight, it’s often about more than whatever caused the spark at the moment. Simmering destructive emotions lead to big, loud arguments and high emotions. Looking at the whole situation and respecting your girlfriend’s feelings after a fight is essential. If the ‘explosion’ seems much larger than the situation warranted, then either you are very out of touch with how your girlfriend emotes, or there’s more going on than the one fight you had. While people sometimes have massive disputes over a single incident, it’s a bit less common. Here’s how to write a mature, well-thought-out apology letter to your girlfriend after fighting.
Format Idea
(Her Name Here),
I didn’t mean to fight with you the other night about_______ (State exactly what you did here). I let my temper get the best of me when I should have let it go instead of making a bigger deal over ______ (State cause of hurt). I know that I _______(made you furious, etc.), and I regret losing it. I should have calmed down and discussed things like adults instead. I am sorry.
It is my fault for ______ (pushing your buttons, specific example). All I can do is offer to ______ (Specific example of how you plan to make things right and avoid a repeat problem). I want to work together to get past this, and if you have thoughts on how to approach that, I am open to trying anything that helps us come together again.
(Optional mention of how you feel about her and why you want her in your life. Use a specific example from your life together and include your true feelings.)
Love (Your Name Here)
Example
Dear Sofia,
I didn’t mean to fight with you the other night about your sister coming to visit. I let my temper get the best of me when I should have let it go instead of making a bigger deal over how we don’t get along. I know that I started yelling and made you feel defensive. I regret letting things go that far. I should have calmed down and discussed things like adults instead. I should be more supportive. She is your family, and you love her. Even if our personalities clash, I should have your back instead of letting her rub me the wrong way. I am sorry.
It is my fault for being antagonistic about your sister. All I can do is offer to take a few deep breaths and keep calm or work with a couples therapist to get my frustration under control. I want to work together to get past this, and if you have thoughts on how to approach that, I am open to trying anything that helps us come together again.
You help me want to be the best version of myself, so I feel like I deserve you. I may not be ‘there yet,’ but I am trying. I hope you can forgive me.
Love James
Apology Letter to Girlfriend for Accusing Her of Cheating
If you have accused your girlfriend of cheating and need to write an apology letter, she didn’t do it. In this case, you need to address your underlying insecurity since those accusations came from somewhere. Whether you have a personal history of being cheated on or cheating yourself, a false allegation is incredibly hurtful. If you don’t want it to end your relationship. ensure you create a very heartfelt apology letter to your girlfriend for accusing her of cheating. Plus, it would be best if you had a solid plan to deal with the trauma that caused you to make that claim falsely.
Format Idea
(Her Name Here),
I didn’t mean to let my issues take over when I _______ (State precisely what you did here). It was rude and wrong. I know that I _______(shouldn’t blame you for things other people in the past have done to me etc.), and I seriously regret letting my baggage damage our relationship. I am sorry.
It is my fault for not ______ (trusting you after, specific example). All I can do is offer to ______ (Specific example of how you plan to make things right and avoid a repeat problem). I am working on it by _____ (the exact steps you are taking).
(Optional mention of how you feel about her and why you want her in your life. Use a specific example from your life together and include your true feelings.)
Love (Your Name Here)
Example
Dear Maria,
I didn’t mean to let my issues take over when I accused you of cheating because you have male family members and friends on your phone. It was rude and wrong. There’s no excuse for it, and I should never have looked at your phone without your permission.
I shouldn’t blame you for my bad taste in dating cheaters before we met. Having a bad relationship in my past is not your fault, and I didn’t realize how deeply that broken trust was still affecting me. I seriously regret letting my baggage damage our relationship. You deserved better, and I know my accusation hurt your feelings deeply. I am sorry.
It is my fault for not working harder on my own mistrust. All I can do is offer to see a counselor and talk through the issue that made me mistrust you. I am working on it by looking for someone in the area and reading recommendations to get past this ugly behavior. I want to do better. If there’s something else you think I should also be doing, I will do that too.
I know we’d been dating a while before this happened, but I think I fell in love with you when you told me you wanted to work for Habitat For Humanity. You are genuine, the kindest, most giving, and most caring person I know, and you deserve my trust. I hope you can allow me to earn yours back.
Love Robert
Apology Letter to Girlfriend for Cheating
There was a time when most relationships were social contracts, and love was mainly the province of extramarital affairs, but this isn’t the 1800s. If you cheat on your girlfriend, the most likely result is the end of the relationship. Saying you’re sorry is always the right thing to do, but it’s not as likely she’ll forgive you in this case. That said, love can do wonderful things. If the woman you love is good enough to give you another chance, you should plan on working hard to re-earn her trust. You can start with a carefully crafted apology letter for cheating.
Format Idea
(Her Name Here),
I didn’t plan to hurt you when I _______ (State precisely what you did here). It was a terrible decision. I know that I _______(should never have risked what we have for a fling etc.), and I regret ______ (your actions). I am sorry.
It is my fault for not ______ (being faithful, etc.). All I can do is offer to ______ (Specific example of how you plan to make things right and avoid a repeat problem). If there is anything else I can do to make it up to you, I want to do that, so please let me know.
(Optional mention of how you feel about her and why you want her in your life. Use a specific example from your life together and include your true feelings.)
Love (Your Name Here)
Example
Dear Patricia,
There is no easy way to begin this letter. I didn’t plan to hurt you when I slept with that woman in Vegas last week. It was a terrible decision, and there’s no reason I could give that would excuse it. I should never have risked what we have for a fling. I feel disgusted with myself for what I did, and doubtless, you feel the same. Worse, I risked your health and mine by being casual and careless. I regret having drinks with the boys and letting their careless attitude and my booze-fueled brain talk me into breaking your trust. I let my weakness and insecurity get to me. I know better and will do better if you give me a chance. I am sorry.
It is my fault for not knowing my limits and letting myself believe, even for a moment, that it was somehow magically okay to stray outside the bounds of our monogamous relationship simply to ‘have a good time.’ What I can do is offer to pay for both our STD tests. I’ll also stop hanging out with guys who push me toward and excuse that sort of toxic thinking and behavior. If you’re willing, I would like to go to couples therapy with you until I can rebuild our relationship and show you I am trustworthy again. If there is anything else I can do to make it up to you, I want to do that, so please let me know.
You have always impressed me with your fighting spirit. When I met you in that martial arts class, and you knocked me down in our first sparring match, I knew I’d met a genuinely formidable, self-possessed woman I could love and admire forever. I still want that. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I will never be unfaithful to you again.
Love Michael
Apology Letter to Girlfriend for Ignoring Her
Ignoring your girlfriend is never a good thing, and it causes emotional hurt. It can lead to her thinking that you no longer care for her and make her feel like she is unimportant in your life. Doing this may cause her to stray or leave. When you write an apology letter for ignoring your girlfriend, you have to write things that you love about her and why she matters to you in an authentic, raw, uncensored way. You don’t need to be crass, though being sexy is allowed so long as it’s not the whole focus. Women want to know you care about more than just the body in the bed. Fortunately, if she forgives you, making up for ignoring your girlfriend is one of the easiest things to fix in a relationship. All you need to do is focus on showing her she matters and make time for her in the future. Spend time together.
Format Idea
(Her Name Here),
I didn’t mean to cause you harm by ignoring you when I _______ (State precisely what you did here). It was wrong, and I should have considered your needs. I know that I _______(made you feel alone and left out, etc.), and I regret mistreating you. You mean the world to me. I am sorry.
It is my fault for not ______ (including you or making time for you, specific example). All I can do is offer to ______ (Specific example of how you plan to make things right and avoid a repeat problem). I understand now that I should have done more with you and shown you how special you are. If there is some specific way you want me to do that in the future, please let me know.
(Optional mention of how you feel about her and why you want her in your life. Use a specific example from your life together and include your true feelings.)
Love (Your Name Here)
Example
Dear Jennifer,
I didn’t mean to cause you any harm or sorrow by ignoring you in favor of my job. It was wrong, and I should have considered your needs as my girlfriend. Although I have other commitments, it doesn’t excuse practically abandoning you. I know I made you feel alone, unwanted and left out. I regret my thoughtlessness. You mean the world to me. I am sorry.
It is my fault for not including you or making time for you more often when I wasn’t doing necessary work. All I can do is offer to actively invite you into my life and take you out instead of assuming you should wait until my life is more convenient. I understand now that I should have done more with you and shown you how special you are. If there is some specific way you want me to do that in the future, please let me know.
When we first met, you were singing on a tiny stage at Sam’s Pub, and I thought you had the most beautiful voice I’d ever heard. I came in every night you performed and stayed late, making the time to get to know you. When I learned you had a fun, sweet personality to match your musical talent, I was head over heels in love. I knew then I wanted to be with you. All you wanted was to be with me too. I know I messed that up, but I want to do better. If you forgive me for being thoughtless and overly focused on achieving my other goals, I will make you my top priority.
Love William
Apology Letter for Hurt Feelings
Apology Letter to Girlfriend After Fight
Apology Letter to Girlfriend for Ignoring Her
Sample Apology Letter to Girlfriend for Lying
Sample Apology Letter to Girlfriend for Cheating
What to Avoid When Writing an Apology Letter to Girlfriend
Regret, passion, and other emotions run high when dealing with any apology letter, but writing to someone you love and respect is even more emotional. Knowing what to write is great, but it’s just as important to know what to avoid when writing an apology letter to your girlfriend. By paying close attention to the dos and don’ts of writing such a letter, you’ll be able to create a beautifully worded apology that (hopefully) helps to bring her back to you.
- This should go without saying, but we’re putting it first anyway. Do not lie about anything. It will only make your carefully crafted apology into a new problem.
- Do not gaslight her or try to distract her from the apology. You apologize because it’s the right thing to do. That’s it. It’s not an apology if you try to make it her fault or minimize how she feels. No apology letter should ever contain phrases like, ‘you were being crazy,’ or ‘we’re both at fault here.’ Even if you feel it’s true, that’s not what an apology is. This is not about what she did or didn’t do. It’s about why you are sorry. You can discuss other issues at another time.
- Don’t dump the responsibility for fixing it on her. Statements like “I’ll do anything you want” or “Just tell me how to make this right” are not mature or responsible attitudes.
- This is not a love letter. The entire apology letter should be written honestly, with no indirect language. Doing this begins rebuilding trust, which is what you need right now.
- You cannot hold yourself or anything you share with your girlfriend as a ‘hostage’ to compel her to feel the way you want her to about you or your apology. She is her own person, and only she can determine her own heart.
- Do not try to evoke pity. Moving forward as a functional couple must be because she respects and trusts you and wants to be with you, not because she feels bad for you.
- Never demand that your girlfriend accept your apology. An apology is something you owe another person because you were wrong, not a coin to buy something with.
- Don’t generalize or deflect with statements like “We all make mistakes.” Own up to your problems with words that begin with “I made a mistake” or a similar sentiment.
- Do not suggest that the issue is ‘not a big deal.’ It is a big deal to your girlfriend, so treat it as such.
- Avoid any language that comes across as passive-aggressive or angry.
- Don’t use apology letters (or gifts) to try and make up for a problem. An apology is only how you acknowledge a mistake. It is not a bandage for a broken relationship.
- You cannot issue an ultimatum or a timeframe for reconciliation. If you are in the wrong, it is your job to apologize, and if she is willing, you work together to fix it for however long that takes. Trust can be lost in a minute but never regained with a simple word.
- Do not make excuses for the bad behavior.
- Never wait too long before you write an apology letter. The letter should be composed and delivered soon after the incident, but not in the heat of the moment. Sleep on it for a night or two, not a month.
- Do not include any jokes or silliness in your apology letter. The tone must be one of ultimate sincerity.
- Guilt trips have no place in apologies.
- Don’t grovel or beg. Sincerity is not the same as desperation.
- Do not demand a response. She does not owe you for being wrong.
- If you don’t believe you were wrong, don’t write an apology. Good relationships have a solid foundation, and they take work to maintain. They are not a game or a manipulation where you can ‘win’ a prize for guessing the right thing to say.
Tips for Writing a Better Apology Letter to Your Girlfriend
It is essential to stay focused and express what you need to say. Here are our tips for writing a better apology letter to your girlfriend.
- Be mature.
- Tell her that she matters to you, then explain why.
- Give her a reason to believe you. If you say you are doing something, do it.
- Be concise. It’s okay to write a page, or even two, if something went badly wrong, but you are not writing a novel.
- Take the time to edit. Not only should you do a spelling and grammar check, but you should also read the letter over when it’s done to eliminate anything that doesn’t sound right or make sense.
- If the love is there and she wants to stay together, the letter is only the first step. Don’t expect a sincere apology to be the only thing you need to do to reestablish your relationship.
- Offer to make amends and then accept whatever answer she gives, even if it’s not responding. After all, it takes two people to build a life together.
- Be respectful.
Conclusion
Your apology letter to your girlfriend exists to show her just how truly sorry you are in the sincerest way possible. Don’t copy other letters word-for-word. Add a personal touch. What you write should reflect how you feel. Remember that the best apologies are the ones another person can accept because they are true. No matter how your girlfriend responds, it will be the next step forward for you both. Hopefully, in years to come, you will look back on this letter fondly as the fully mature first step on a long path together. If things don’t turn out that way, you will still have done the right thing in the best way possible.
